I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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