I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize