I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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