Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
