Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Randomize
