i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
