I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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