I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
