after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize