Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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