Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Randomize
