dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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