I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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