he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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