i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
