dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
