Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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