The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Randomize
