well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
