Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This is my gift to your gina
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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