no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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