Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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