How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
