Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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