My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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