her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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