She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize