4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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