grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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