Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
