Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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