I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Damn victory sex feels great
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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