Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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