I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
