Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
