i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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