I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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