I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
