You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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