Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
