idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
