You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
