You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
