well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
