Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Actions speak louder than pants.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
