so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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