dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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