I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
