i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
