Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
