I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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