sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
