dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
