I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I am one with the molecules
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
