Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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