"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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