went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
