I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
