i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
