Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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