would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize