Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
