do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
