I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
