Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
