We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
