even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize