Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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